Are You Trying to be a Superhero?

Are you trying to be a super hero?Do you ever have those days when despite how much you have to do you feel you just don’t want to do anything? I had one of those days yesterday. This isn’t something that happens often for me so I felt really uncomfortable with it.

Here’s what happened:

I got up early to get some work done. I love that time of day. I can get quite a bit done before my son gets up for school. So there I was, sat in my office ready to do some work when this huge wave of resistance to doing anything washed over me.

At first I was quite irritated with myself. After all, I pride myself on being a kick ass action gal and now it had deserted me. I was all ready to give myself a severe kick up the ass but I suddenly stopped.

“Hold on there girl” I told myself. I continued “Before any ass kicking goes on, what is really going on here?” I pondered on this a while. Then I realised what it was. My husband is going into hospital in three days time to have a fairly big operation. It’s been a big weight on my mind for some time and now that the time is here, it is a real brain time consumer.

You see the person sat at my desk yesterday morning wasn’t Ali the Business Owner. It was Ali the wife. The woman that loves her husband and family more than anything in the world.

The point is this:

We all have many roles in life. It is inevitable that there will be times that one role steps into the space of another role. When this happens it is easy to slip into beating yourself up and being hard on yourself for not being some sort of superhero able to have perfect demarcation between all our roles. But that is totally unrealistic.

What to do when roles collide.

Stop. It is counter intuitive, as the natural urge is to push on regardless but just stop. Allow yourself time to step back from the situation. Assess what is really going on.

Ask what is most important right now? Look for what you can put in place to be in the role that is most important at that time. Re-arrange things to protect what is most important.

Drop some balls. Forget the pressure to juggle everything. It’s a flawed concept. Sometimes it is OK to drop balls. The trick is to chose which balls to drop rather than waiting for one to drop randomly.

Treat yourself with compassion. Beating yourself up serves no purpose whatsoever. Stop it.

So, take a look at what you do when your roles collide. Is it time to make some changes?


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Comments

  1. Hi Ali. Sounds like you did the right thing and took stock of where you were at. Some solid advice here – no-one can do it everything all the time, no matter what the circumstances.

    Hope all goes well for your husband.
    Best regards
    Barney

  2. Thanks Barney. Appreciate your good wishes. It is easy to fall into the trap of having unrealistic expectations of ourslves in all our roles, especially for those of us that are recovering perfectionists!!! Thanks for dropping by.

  3. Ali, first of all I really hope that all goes well for your husband in a few days. It's a real worry when the person who is our world is ill. My other half had seriously bad swine flu last year and, especially with all the scaremongering that was going on, I was beside myself.

    You're very right that Ali the person is inseparable from Ali the business woman. And, like Barney has said here, it sounds like your decision to drop balls was wise.

    Your example is admirable. I think leaders need to acknowledge their humanity and allow it. I know some people see this as weakness, but I think it's a strength to be able to say that things affect you AND to know that you are still the strong, clever, inspiring person that you are. I do feel that the more people like you can be like this, the more permission you'll others to be the same.

  4. Christine, thank you so much for your kind words. To be honest I can't be doing with all this image of business and life perfection some people like to put out there – It is crap, not honest and sends people the wrong message. I think it is important to share the reality of what it is like to run your own business, be a wife, mother and all the other roles we play, not a myth. People need tools, tips and resources to deal with reality, not the myths of perfection that some people like to tout. Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts. It is really appreciated.

  5. Ali, thank you for being a real person.

    It is refreshing to read about someone being true to their readers. I have seen this with a couple of people I follow and it really creates a stronger connection between me and the author. Like Christine Livingston's recent posts have also been focusing on being real, and I vividly remember her post “Why Pushing Through Is Not Always The Way To Get Ahead”. It was at that point I made it a point to follow her on a regular basis.

    I find it empowering, inspirational, motivating, and trustworthy when I read blogs in which people don't sugar coat it and keep it real.

    Rest assured we all have moments, days, and I'll be honest – days at a time where we are just not in the “work” mode. Sometimes it is our body's way of telling you to take a mental break for a minute.

    Sending lots of good health blessings to your hubby!!!

  6. Hi Heather, thanks you so much for your comment. I think it is more supportive to other people to call it as it is rather than present something that isn't real. Last night a lady who I do not know sent a message on twitter saying this post had given her a “reality check” and had given her permission to have an “off” day – that is so important to me. To touch people in a way that it makes it OK to not be on flying form all the time – that is reality to me. I totally agree with you when you say “Sometimes it is our body's way of telling you to take a mental break for a minute” – spot on. It is always a message to take a look at what is really going on so you can take appropriate action. Thanks for dropping by Heather. I appreciate your input.

  7. Ali, thank you for being a real person.

    It is refreshing to read about someone being true to their readers. I have seen this with a couple of people I follow and it really creates a stronger connection between me and the author. Like Christine Livingston's recent posts have also been focusing on being real, and I vividly remember her post “Why Pushing Through Is Not Always The Way To Get Ahead”. It was at that point I made it a point to follow her on a regular basis.

    I find it empowering, inspirational, motivating, and trustworthy when I read blogs in which people don't sugar coat it and keep it real.

    Rest assured we all have moments, days, and I'll be honest – days at a time where we are just not in the “work” mode. Sometimes it is our body's way of telling you to take a mental break for a minute.

    Sending lots of good health blessings to your hubby!!!

  8. Hi Heather, thanks you so much for your comment. I think it is more supportive to other people to call it as it is rather than present something that isn't real. Last night a lady who I do not know sent a message on twitter saying this post had given her a “reality check” and had given her permission to have an “off” day – that is so important to me. To touch people in a way that it makes it OK to not be on flying form all the time – that is reality to me. I totally agree with you when you say “Sometimes it is our body's way of telling you to take a mental break for a minute” – spot on. It is always a message to take a look at what is really going on so you can take appropriate action. Thanks for dropping by Heather. I appreciate your input.

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