When you are trying to change your life or business it can feel very hard.

When that happens it is easy to fall into the mindset of wallowing in self pity, burying your head in the sand or ignoring what is really making things so hard.

But that serves no purpose. It only keeps you stuck.

It is in those moments that you need to take yourself aside and give yourself a bit of a talking to.

No BS. Just calling it straight.

Telling yourself things that you might not want to hear but really need to, can be the catalyst to pull yourself out of being stuck and getting into action.

So, for those moments, here are:

10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear But Really Need To

1. Your life and business are the way they are because of your own decisions, choices and actions. If you don’t like how things are, you need to make different decisions, choices and take different actions. You are the captain of your ship. Learn how to steer it.

2. It is nobody else’s fault. Stop blaming other people for what is going wrong in your life, business, relationships or any other aspect of your life. Until you take full responsibility for everything that is going on in all areas of your life, nothing will change. The blame game doesn’t get results.

3. If you carry on over scheduling yourself nothing will ever change. Change only happens where there is time and space to do something different. Make it a priority unless you want to keep peddling the same old hamster wheel forever.

4.  Stop saying “I don’t know how to do it”. It keeps you stuck. Replace it with “What do I need to learn to be able to do it”.

5. Before you start pointing the finger at others, take a look at what you are contributing to the situation. You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself.

6. Don’t be a B.M.W. (Bitcher, Moaner ,Whiner). It doesn’t solve anything. And nobody wants to be around a B.M.W. On the flip side. Avoid people who are a B.M.W. They will drain your energy.

7. Stop saying “I don’t have enough time”. Yes you do. You have the same 24 hours as everyone else does, you are just choosing to spend it differently. The problem isn’t time. The problem is self management.

8. Stop making excuses. Hold yourself accountable. Magic starts to happen when you no longer allow yourself to make excuses.

9. Stop saying “I’ll try”. Either do it or don’t.

10. Stop saying “It isn’t fair”. You aren’t three years old. If something isn’t how you would like it, change it. If you can’t change it, move on. But banging on about things not being fair is for toddlers – not for people who are in charge of their life and business.

So, if you really want to change your life and business, you might want to check you don’t do any of these things. And if you do, well, time to take yourself aside and give yourself that talking too.

What other things do you think people don’t want to hear but really need to? Leave your comments below.

Fear is one of the biggest factors that will keep you stuck.

So the temptation is to think that you need to learn how to become fearless.

Not true.

Fear is part of the human state. It is normal to feel fear. In some situations fear is very useful.

For example, fear will make you stop and check things out before leaping into the unknown unprepared. It will make you check and assess the risk before taking action. All healthy stuff.

Fear has a positive role to play as well as being a natural part of the human state. So focusing on becoming fearless isn’t necessary or appropriate.

However, fear becomes a problem when we let it get such a vice like grip on us that it keeps us stuck and stops us from taking action.

That is why it is important to learn effective ways of managing fear. But that on its own isn’t enough to kick fear into touch.

Here’s why:

Let’s imagine you have learnt effective ways to stop fear keeping you stuck. You have put all your new fear fighting skills into action.

But chances are you are still feeling some fear.

Well, here’s why:

When you are about to do something new or make a big change, you are stepping out into the unknown. Something you haven’t experienced before. You are stepping outside your comfort zone. And that feels scary. Even when you are well prepared.

The thing to do is not just to focus on the fear.

Focus on fostering courage as well.

• Yes, learn what you need to do to manage your fear.

• Yes, put things in place to reduce risk to manage your fear.

• Yes, focus on what you need to do set yourself up to succeed.

• Ask yourself “What needs to happen for me to feel safe to move forward, despite the fear?

But when you have done all of this, it is time for courage to look fear squarely in the eyes and say:

“Step aside because I am coming through.”

Work on ways you can be more courageous, not fearless. The first will move you forward. The second is a state that doesn’t exist.

Think of fear like “The Force” in Star Wars. There is a dark side to it. And there is the good side.

The dark side is the side that keeps you stuck and not taking action. The good side is where dealing with fear and courage stand shoulder to shoulder ready to whoop the crap out of the dark side.

No, I am not into Star Wars myself, but with an eight year old son in the house it gets in your system.

So my friends, may the force be with you as you do battle with dealing with your fears.

Related posts:

• Why You Must Get Comfortable Feeling Uncomfortable.
• What to do when you don’t know what to do

Ever wonder why it can feel really hard to make change happen?

Well, the causes can by many and complex. They also vary from person to person.

But today, we are just going to focus on one really important factor that impacts the majority of us.

And it is this:

We are all so permanently overscheduled that a lot of the time we are just peddling our day to day hamster wheels so damn hard that there is no time to do anything else.

And that is a huge problem if you want to change something in your life and/or business.

Here’s why:

Change only happens where there is time and space to do something different.

So, if you want to change any area of your life or business, the first step is to create time and space to work on the thing that you want to be different.

I know it can be hard if you feel you have umpteen things on your plate and it seems like you don’t have enough time to do it all.

But think about this:

If you can’t/won’t/don’t find a way to make some space you are saying “no” to change for the better and “yes” to the same old same old.

So, here is what I would like you to do:

Get out your diary. Yes, right now.

Put in your diary a minimum 30 minute time slot for this week. Protect that time slot like your life depends on it. Use that time to pick one thing you would like to change. And just get stuck in to working on the steps to make it happen.

I always encourage my 1-2-1 clients to have a minimum 2 hour slot a week of just time and space to work on change, new stuff, ideas etc. But you may find it easier to start with 30 mins a week and build up gradually.

Now, here is the important thing. Doing this as a one off is going to change diddly squat.

The power in doing this is to do it regularly. And by that I mean every week.

Here comes a bit of tough love folks – please don’t tell yourself “I don’t have enough time to do this”. Because you don’t have time NOT to do it, because that will keep you stuck.

Ask yourself this question:

What do I need to do to make sure I do this every week?

Because if you decide to find a way, you will.

Having time and space, on a regular basis, is the first step to creating change.

Find a way to make it part of your weekly routine.

Have fun playing with this.

How do you know that you are on the right track to achieve what you really want in your business and life?

And once you are on the right track, how do you stay there?

Well, there are two essential things you MUST put in place to guide you. They are:

1. Create your own Success Definition

Having a definition of success that you have carved out for yourself will be a guide for you to follow when making decisions, setting goals and creating action plans.

It will help you make better choices for yourself. And as a result of making better choices, you will get better results.

It is easy to get caught in the trap of chasing success as defined by society, family and peers.

But ask yourself this

“Whose definition of success do I want to spend my one and only life living by?”

Take time to create your own definition of success for all areas of your life.

Think of it almost as a navigation tool steering you down the right path and keeping you there.

2. Get clear on your Core Values

Your core values are things that are central to who you are. They are the things, that when you are living and working by them, make you feel fulfilled, alive and living life fully.

You can tell when your core values are being trampled all over because life and work feel a push, a struggle and totally unfulfilling.

People who orientate their life and business around their core values are the people who are more likely to be living a fulfilled life, getting the results they really want and feeling successful on their own terms.

So, take some time out to get clear on what your core values are.

Once you have your definition of success and your core values nailed, make sure your vision, goals and action plans are built on them.

To make choices and decisions easier for yourself, keep asking:

“Does this fit with my core values and definition of success?”

If you head off on a journey without a map of how you will get to your destination, chances are you are going to end up taking the wrong road.

The same is true of trying to create the life and business you really want without a definition of success or knowing your core values.

I encourage you to get stuck in to creating your own definition of success based on your core values.

Then use them to drive your choices and decisions to get on the right path and keep you there.

What are your views on this topic? Please share in the comments below.

The other day I was browsing through posts by my facebook friends.

One in particular caught my eye.

It was a couple of really thought provoking questions asked by Pam Slim.

If you don’t know Pam, check out her website which is Escape from Cubicle Nation .

Both the questions Pam asked got me thinking and I found them really useful so thought I would share them with you here.

So, here they are:

Question 1 – What do you want to leave behind in 2011?

and

Question 2 – What do you want to bring into 2012?

I would like to add a third question to these two:

Question 3 – What do you need to do to make this happen?

So, as we head towards a new year, I invite you to ponder on these questions and see where they lead you.

Would love to hear what comes up for you. Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Do you ever get that “I don’t know what to do” or “I don’t know where to start” feeling?

It can feel overwhelming can’t it?

It often shows up when you are looking to make change or do something new.

This feeling in itself isn’t a problem. It is how you respond to that feeling that is important.

If you are heading in a new direction you haven’t been in before, it is perfectly normal to get that “I don’t know what to do” or “I don’t know where to start” feeling.

It is a normal part of getting on the path to making change.

But the problem with it is this:

When people feel they don’t know what to do, they often do nothing. As a result they stay stuck where they don’t want to be.

If this sounds familiar here is

What to do when you don’t know what to do.

First of all, don’t beat yourself up about it or allow frustration to take over. It serves no useful purpose. It is natural to not know what to do when you start something new. Be kind to yourself.

Secondly, be honest with yourself about if you are using that feeling as an excuse to do nothing. If you are, make a commitment to stop making excuses. They keep you stuck and let you off the hook of taking action.

Thirdly, for the love of God do something!!!

Seriously, just do something. It doesn’t even matter if the first thing you do isn’t right. You are just taking the first step to finding out what to do.

Once you have decided on what you want the outcome to be, come back to where you are and just focus on the first step to move you forward.

• Maybe the first step is just doing some research on the thing you want to achieve.
• Maybe it’s hiring someone knowledgeable in that area to help you
• Maybe it’s doing a brainstorm or a mini plan.

Remember:

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Sorry to those of you who were expecting some sophisticated masterplan as the solution to what to do when you don’t know what to do. But it really is as simple as just do something. Take a baby step. And each step you take will lead to the next one.

Let go of needing to know “how” before you start. The “how” will be revealed along the way as you learn stuff and take action.

So, what baby step will you take today about the thing you don’t know how to do?

People don’t like to feel uncomfortable in any situation.

It feels… well…uncomfortable.

As a result, people will go to great lengths to avoid situations that make them feel uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, that avoidance strategy is a killer of making change, achieving results and creating success on your own terms.

Here’s why:

Change doesn’t happen by staying in your comfort zone.
Change only happens by stepping out of your comfort zone.

And thereby lies the challenge.

To make change and strike out in new directions requires doing something you haven’t done before.

It means rocking the status quo. It requires deciding not to settle for mediocrity.

All those things can feel scary. It can bring up all sorts of feelings like fear, resistance and self doubt. And that feels uncomfortable.

So, unless you are willing to expose yourself to feeling uncomfortable you are going to stay stuck. Believe me, I tried for many years to change a number of areas of my life in my safe little comfort zone and it does not work.

It was only when I stepped out of my comfort zone that the really good stuff started to happen in my work life, family life and lifestyle

You have to get out there and frighten the pants off yourself. You have to take risks. You have to feel fear and carry on regardless.

Here is something worth thinking about:

Thinking staying in your comfort zone is safe is a huge mistake. It’s not safe at all.

It’s not safe because you are risking a life time of just existing rather than living. You are settling for mediocrity in your work life, relationships and family life. That’s not safe. From where I’m sitting that is downright dangerous.

The bottom line is this:

If you are serious about creating change you have got to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable.

If you are willing to do that the sky is the limit. You could rocket your business results. You could transform your relationships. You could have the quality of life you really want.

To me, that sounds like something worth feeling a little uncomfortable for.

So I invite you take a look at what sort of feelings come up for you when you want to make change or create different results. What do you need to do to manage those feelings so that you can learn how to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable?

Hearing how others have dealt with this really helps other people who are struggling with it. So, please, step up and share with us an example of where you benefitted from dealing with feeling uncomfortable in the comments below. I have already shared one of mine below to get the ball rolling.

Related posts:

• Why You Should Break All The Rules
• Stepping Up and Being Bold
• Taking Risks (Part 1) – An Essential Part of Success

Can you remember what your dreams for your life were when you were younger?

Do you still have them? If not, what happened?

I come across many people who have given up on their dreams. Given up on how they would really like their work life, relationships and lifestyle to be.

Actually, I am not sure that they have actually given up or if they have just got buried under the daily grind of trying to juggle all their responsibilities and an over busy life.

Maybe it is the “Dream Snatchers” that have stolen your dreams away. Beware the “Dream Snatchers” – they are everywhere! They are the people who:

• if you dare to rock the Status Quo, rubbish what you want to shoot for.
• say unkind things about the choices you make because it’s not the life THEY want you to live.
• tell you to “get real” if you voice your dreams.
• tell you it isn’t possible

Sometimes we are even our own Dream Snatchers!

Whatever the reason………..

Where have all the dreams gone?

Well, I believe they are still all there waiting to be claimed.

I believe that if you dared to take a peek through all the mediocrity of the daily grind that you would see that your dreams are still there. Not only are they still there, but it is never too late to claim them and start turning them in to reality.

So the question is this……

Are you brave enough to step up and re-claim your dreams?

“Life isn’t a dress rehearsal. This is the real thing.” – source unknown

What are you waiting for? For the kids to get through school? Until finances have improved? Until your family and friends stop belittling what you want to do?

A bit of tough love here folks……….those are all excuses.

There is no reason not to just make the decision right now you are going to reclaim your dreams and get on the path to what you really want.

Working for yourself should be a platform on which to support you in living your dreams.

Fancy a piece of that?

If so, dare to dream. You don’t have to go telling everyone if it doesn’t feel safe for you to do so (those pesky Dream Snatchers are everywhere!!!). Step up and be bold and declare it in the comments below (it’s safe here – it is a Dream Snatcher free zone – I promise!).

To get you started, let me share with you one of my dreams:

Within my life time I won’t need to ask the question

Where have all the dreams gone?………

………..because we are all living them!

Related posts:

• Stepping Up and Being Bold
• Why You Should Break All The Rules

Do you suffer with email overload?

It is something that I hear endless complaints about. Particularly in relation to time management. Finding effective ways to manage the email inbox has almost become an industry in itself.

I often hear people declaring war on their email box and having a “blitz” eradicating hundreds of meaningless emails. I have even done this myself and I have to say that it feels really good.

But aren’t we just dealing with the symptom here? Isn’t it the real source we should be dealing with?

Often the source can be meaningless stuff we have invited into our email box by subscribing to all sorts of things. Emails that come from things like:

• Subscribing to newsletters on websites just to get the freebie offer they will give you to subscribe
• Linkedin groups that consist of folk just pushing their stuff down your throat and not really engaging in meaningful discussion
• And don’t get me started on those emails that have some fluffy poem then at the end tells you that if you don’t pass it on to at least 20 people in the next 90 seconds then you will be struck down dead!!!

It’s time to eradicate mediocrity from our email boxes.

This morning I sat back and looked at exactly what was coming into my email box and asked the question:

What value is receiving that regularly adding to me?

And do you know what?

With the exception of a handful of things the answer was “nothing”.

Now, maybe that just says something about my own subscribing habits. But maybe it says something about the mediocrity of stuff people are pumping into our email box each and every day with our permission.

So this morning, instead of just having an email blitz to get my email box under control, I have had an “unsubscribe” blitz.

Loads of stuff has bitten the dust. I am left with the stuff that I look forward to receiving. The stuff that I genuinely get some sort of value or pleasure from.

Dealing with the source of the problem rather than the symptom is far more effective.

The Power of the Unsubscribe Button

Have a look at your own inbox:

• How much of what you have willingly invited into your inbox is of any real value to you?
• Even if it is all good stuff, how much can you physically cope with?
• Is it worth putting a limit on your subscription habits?

Have a think about it and see if you need to introduce an unsubscribe policy.

The “unsubscribe” button holds much power. Use it wisely.

Do you set yourself a theme for each year?

It isn’t something I normally do, but this year I have decided to have one.

My theme for this year is:

Stepping Up and Being Bold

The reason this theme is so apt is because my husband and I have been on a mission since we left the Corporate world back in 2001 to create our ideal work life, family life and lifestyle on our own terms.

This year we are going to be taking this to the next level so we are going to need to Step Up and Be Bold in a big way.

Just sitting back and cruising along in what we have created thus far wouldn’t be enough to make the new stuff we want to have happen become reality.

Let me share with you a couple of examples of where I will Step Up and Be Bold this year:

• By implementing a new business model that will be the foundation of the business providing a passive income and ensure the business serves us in living the life we really want for the long term.

• Building further the foundations of a location independent lifestyle and a new financial independence strategy that gives us true freedom in all areas of our life.

Change won’t happen in the safety, security and comfort of what we have already created.

We have to do new stuff. Things we have never done before. Even things that scare us. But as the saying goes:

If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got

Setting this theme for myself for this year has reminded me that to eradicate mediocrity and create our ideal work life, family life and lifestyle we are ALWAYS going to have to Step Up and Be Bold.

It needs to become a way of being, not just a one off theme.

So, with that in mind, I would like to invite you to take a few minutes out and consider these questions:

• What areas of your work life, family life and lifestyle do you need to Step Up and Be Bold in this year?
• What will it cost you if you don’t? (and I don’t mean financially!)
• What are the possibilities and potential if you do?
• Is that something worth shooting for?
• What action are you going to take to step up, be bold, eradicate mediocrity and design how you want things to really be in all areas of your life?

Once you have had a think about these questions, please share your thoughts and insights in the comments section below.

If this is a subject that resonates for you and you want more tips and resources to help you along, head to the top right hand corner of this page and sign up as in the coming weeks I am going to be arming my subscribers with practical tips and resources to design a successful home business, family life and lifestyle.

Related Posts:

• The Beauty of Imperfect Action
• Why You Should Break All The Rules