When you are trying to change your life or work it can feel very hard. When that happens it is easy to fall into the trap of wallowing in negative thoughts and burying your head in the sand and ignoring what is really making things so hard. But that serves no purpose. It only keeps you stuck. It is in those moments that you need to take yourself aside and give yourself a bit of a talking to. No BS. Just calling it straight.

Download your Free Transformation in Action Self-Assessment Workbook.

10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear But Really Need To

Top 10 Things You Dan't Want to Hear But really Need toWhen you are trying to create change in your life or work it can feel very hard.

When that happens it is easy to fall into the mindset of wallowing in negative thoughts, burying your head in the sand or ignoring what is really making things so hard.

But that serves no purpose. It only keeps you stuck.

It is in those moments that you need to take yourself aside and give yourself a bit of a talking to.

No BS. Just calling it straight.

Telling yourself things that you might not want to hear but really need to, can be the catalyst to pull yourself out of being stuck and getting into action.

So, for those moments, here are:

10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear But Really Need To

1. Your life and work are the way they are because of your own decisions, choices and actions. If you don’t like how things are, you need to make different decisions, choices and take different actions. You are the captain of your ship. Learn how to steer it.

2. It is nobody else’s fault. Stop blaming other people for what is going wrong in your life, work, relationships or any other aspect of your life. Until you take full responsibility for everything that is going on in all areas of your life, nothing will change. The blame game doesn’t get results.

3. If you carry on over scheduling yourself nothing will ever change. Change only happens where there is time and space to do something different. Make it a priority unless you want to keep peddling the same old hamster wheel forever.

4.  Stop saying “I don’t know how to do it”. It keeps you stuck. Replace it with “What do I need to learn to be able to do it”. Commit to finding a way.

5. Before you start pointing the finger at others, take a look at what you are contributing to the situation. You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself.

6. Don’t be a B.M.W. (Bitcher, Moaner ,Whiner). It doesn’t solve anything. And nobody wants to be around a B.M.W. On the flip side. Avoid people who are a B.M.W. They will drain your energy and suck the life out of you.

7. Stop saying “I don’t have enough time”. Yes you do. You have the same 24 hours as everyone else does. You are just choosing to spend it differently. The problem isn’t time. The problem is self management.

8. Stop making excuses. Hold yourself accountable. Magic starts to happen when you no longer allow yourself to make excuses.

9. Stop saying “I’ll try”. Either do it or don’t. As Yoda said “Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.”

10. Stop saying “It isn’t fair”. You aren’t three years old. If something isn’t how you would like it, change it. If you can’t change it, move on. But banging on about things not being fair is for toddlers – not for people who are in charge of their life.

So, if you really want to create change in your life and work, you might want to check you don’t do any of these things. And if you do, well, time to take yourself aside and give yourself that talking too.

Download Your Free Transformation in Action Self-Assessment Workbook.

  • Seriously love this list! We are so on the same wavelength – I’ve used the “head in sand” metaphor at least twice this week! 

  • Thanks Sandi. Glad you liked it. Some things just need calling as they are!!!!

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  • Kay Heald

    Ali – an excellent list full of ‘pull-your-socks-up’ ideas – thank you! 

  •  Thanks Kay. Am all for a bit of sock pulling up!!!

  • Hi Stuart,
    My sincere apologies that it has taken me so long to respond to your comment. I have been having a bit of a problem with my comment system recently, which is now, hopefully, resolved. So your comment fell through the net somehow. Sorry about that.

    Yes, it is important to stay aware of things like the points in this post as they can really get in our way. Thanks for dropping by. 

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  • Love this list and see myself in too many of these! I have got to stop over scheduling as though I have 34 hours a day!

  • A nice wake up call for me…and for some other annoying people in my life. You nailed it!!

  • Ali Davies

    Thanks Dee. Glad you enjoyed it.

  • Ali Davies

    Hi Jennifer, over scheduling is a common problem in today’s over busy, rush rush, world. But it really is a killer of so many things. Good for you being aware that it is something that needs changing.

  • Yikes! I though I was #getreal. I agree with what you’re saying. A therapist friend of mine says that we are so lucky, in this country especially, because we have more of all kinds of resources than any people ever have, at any time. I try to remember that when I get all poor us, poor me.


  • All terrific tips…and all definitely things you may not want to hear!

  • Ali Davies

    Anita, I think you are spot on – there is always something to be grateful for. Plus our mindset drives our experience of things so important to choose our mindset wisely.

  • Ali Davies

    Rena, sometimes it is the things we want to hear least that will benefit us the most.

  • Our actions product our outcomes… if one is into creating a life they love it requires identifying what that is, seeing yourself there, learning and exposing yourself to the processes and systems that may be required. This is such a truthful list and I had not heard the acronym used that way for B.M.W. I believe that the choice to choose is one of our greatest privileges…and responsibilities…for choosing IS a choice.

  • Totally agree – when we see everything being about choice a whole new world opens up for us.

  • Lee Gaitan

    Great article, Ali! It hits you right between the eyes with truth–one we go through complex mental gymnastics and posturing to avoid facing. It really does come down to us most of the time.

  • You are so right Lee, it does come down to each of us as individuals. Embracing truth about ourselves, even if it feels uncomfortable, is liberating

  • Nothing like a little ‘tough love’ to keep us on our toes. Excellent list. You and Yoda can live in my head anytime.

  • Honoured to be listed alongside the great Yoda!!!

  • Sasha Maples Johns


    I love it.

  • OMG, you’re right. These ARE things people don’t want to hear, and yet for the most part they are always true. Wisdom, preach it, girl!

  • Glad you liked it Sasha

  • Thanks Carol. Facing up to things and then doing something about them is so powerful.

  • I love this list, Ali! It’s a wonderful reminder for all of us!

  • Wonderful. So hard to hear some of them at times, but that doesn’t make them any less true. Thank you for sharing.

  • Thanks Nancy. You are so right – good to keep these things in mind so that we don’t get in our own way.

  • Well said Laural – sometimes what we don’t want to hear are the things we most need to hear to get out of our own way.

  • 1010 Park Place

    Ali, you’re so right. It starts and ends with us.

  • Always!!

  • Great list and I must say I’ve been guilty of some of those from time to time. Thanks for the tough love!

  • You are welcome Kay. Glad you found it useful.

  • Martin Haworth

    Love all these Ali. In a world where it’s always someone else’s fault, we need to take active responsibilities for who we are and where we are with our lives. This is not a bad thing, it’s empowering, but, with that comes the sense of self-judgement that sees the flaws in us.

  • Well said Martin. Taking 100% responsibility is key, even though it can feel difficult and uncomfortable. at times. Facing truth without self judging is liberating too.

  • Totally agree, and I would add to also be aware that your best can vary day to day too and to be OK with that.

  • Martin Haworth

    That’s so true. Sometimes it’s good to see ‘those’ days with a smile and ‘F**k it!’

  • Excellent. #6 and #10 are the most powerful. I don’t know any happy, successful people who bitch and blame others. No time for that!

  • Awesome advice. We create our own reality and are responsible for everything that happens to it and how we react.

  • I totally agree Elaine.

  • Yes indeed. Taking personal responsibility is a game changer.

  • Diane Tolley

    Excellent. All of the above!

  • Glad you enjoy it Diane.

  • Sarah Massengill Harris

    OK, laughing at #6! Great abbreviation! Loving #5 though – I always teach my kids that when you are pointing 1 finger at someone, there are 4 pointing back at you!

  • That is a great point.

  • Nethleen Aniñon

    Thank you for these advices Ali. I really need to change my self. I think i have these all things right now. 🙁

  • Awareness is the first step in creating change. if you are aware of this that is already a step in the right direction. From there, you can work on steps to create change to set yourself up to succeed.